Wednesday, May 23, 2018

STARVING ARTIST DEBUT


That's me roasting a hotdog via candle with a shish kabob stick
at last weekends Mayfaire VIII Renaissance Fair
instead of selling books like I was supposed to.
Being a single mom for the most of 16 years, having an all-consuming desire and passion to write since childhood and writing professionally since my first published book at 19 years old, the same year I had my son, or enduring one of the rarest and most misunderstood conditions that exist while being a Psych Major– I don’t even know where to start. But Starving Artist seems the most fitting, because financial survival has been my greatest conundrum. I couldn’t be a single Mom with a burning passion to be a Doctor.
I couldn’t be a writer that a good money-making man fell hopelessly in love with. Nor could I wind up with a condition where some nice doctor said, ‘Oh, I have a pill for that. Just make sure you take it every day, and you’re good to go,’ and then I could ask him if he either has a pill to treat my passion for writing or if he’d marry me, help finance the bills, and love my two teenagers as much as I love them. 😊

But that’s not me.

And I can’t see me being any different than me is. I mean, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself if I managed to pay all my bills. I’d probably just sit there and be like, “Now what?”. And then I’d turn on all my lights and soak in 80-degree heat pouring forth from my furnace on a 90-degree summer day while pretending it’s winter and I can finally know what it’s like to be warm in the midst of winter. I’d experiment with my gas tank to finally know what it costs to actually fill it up all the way. I’d make a long-distance phonecall on my neglected landline just to be charged a minute for a message to a random stranger. I’d go to the store and just stare at the steak and pretend for a moment I was purchasing it. I’d go to every store just to say that I could buy whatever draws my attention. I’d go to a fancy restaurant and order a soda instead of water, JUST a soda. Just to do it. I’d go to a hairdresser and help myself to their fancy chairs and tell the hairdresser I paid all my bills because people are known to talk to their hairdresser about life, and then I’d refuse the haircut.

That's my daughter at last weekend's Mayfaire event eating Mac N Cheese
instead of selling books. So now you not only see where our priorities
are, but that it runs in the family. We Like Food!
If I spent even one day in my life not worrying about paying my bills, I’d probably get in a LOT of trouble. Afterall, I’d mastered the whole borrowing from Jason to pay Henry that paid Suzy that paid Mary whom paid Paul before I was even of legal age to drink, because I already had my two children by then. I was probably one of the youngest people to ever claim bankruptcy at 23 years old. And I can proudly vouch for having more jobs and moving more times than seems feasibly possible. Over 30 moves and almost 40 jobs. What?!

But my kids love me anyways. And we never have to go out to eat. Because I know how to make all the food from the most popular fast-food and chain-restaurants and franchises out there, while doing legal paperwork and being a therapist all at the same time! And if you ever need help moving, I am an expert at compiling every important thing you own in one small vehicle, so all you have to do is make one trip, and I can give you plenty of tips as to how to maneuver furniture and large mattresses up several floors of stairs by yourself. You just need a sled and rope and a preparedness to say every curse word in the book. And fixing cars? That’s right up my ally. A hammer and ducktape and some heavy-duty shoes to handle the impact of kicking your vehicle every time it ticks you off.

SO, I can’t quite tell you everything that this blog is going to be about, but it’s sure to be inspiring, or, at best, entertaining. Or stupid. But everyone’s entitled to their opinions and sticks and stones and abusive men can break my bones, but words I try not to let hurt me, even though my attempts usually fail, but what do you got if you don’t keep trying? Less opportunity for failure, but less opportunity for anything else all-together.

I do know, being as how I write fiction, that in reading or following this blog, my readers will get that real behind-the-scenes look at which of my writing is purely imaginative and creative and which is that ‘write what you know-except-use-a-fictitious-character-name-to-hide-the-fact-that-you’re-writing-from-real-experience’. (Eg: – other people get mad at their ex and blow up their phone, or sabotage their things, or date their best friend. Me? “I made a character out of you and I named you Dewey and YOU DIED!” – That’s me being mature!)

Almondie Out – if that’s even my real name - bahahaha

SINGLE PARENTING - from the beginning - and the complications of woo-hoo.

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